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Thursday, 4 June 2009

my holiday acid joke

as i have mentioned elsewhere, i recently went on holiday, and very nice it was too. whilst i was there i accidentally took some l.s.d. (as you do at a beach party). now acid effects everyone diffently and if it's not convincing me i've just been shot and my body taken to a secret govenment facility (my parents and friends having been told i was dead, of course) where they are splitting me into several versions of myself so they can test-drive some form of hell with me always in it, it makes me laugh. when it makes me laugh i often come up with a joke to giggle at. usually just the one. it starts as a catchphrase and slowly builds until, near the end of the trip, the punchline drops into my lap from somewhere. anyhoo, without further ado, here it is:

it is not just a look...

it may appear to the casual or even not-so casual observer that i woke up this afternoon wearing these here shorts, picked this t-shirt from the floor and put it on. it would then appear that i stepped outside and spotted, on the floor, this pair of sunglasses, which i then proceeded to put upon my face. this was quickly followed by my placing, very carefully, a paper hat with the words: do not wear in rain" on the label, on the top of my head. i was now ready to rave, to be sure, but to suggest, even for a second that it was simply some sort of "look" would be as great an understatement as suggesting that the prime minister is simply a war criminal.

for it is not just a look.

3.5 billion years have gone into this. three and a half billion, that's 3500000000 years to those who don't know they numbers so well (like me, i had to google it to be sure!). 3.5 billion years of struggle, from the birth of the first living cells (if that is indeed where it started) to the great merger of mitochondria and methanogen (if that is what they were, for more i recommend reading power, sex, suicide by nick lane) and the birth of true multi-cellularity. from there to the birth of the first eyes, crude light-sensing organs and the arms race that then ensued.

to today. me standing where ever i happen to be (in this case a beach near metaponto, s. italy), dressed up like one whilst raving them off. all that blood, sweat and tears were for this one moment. 3.5 billion years so i could shake my funky stuff in style. to mistake it for some sort of look would be an misjudgement of the highest order.'s only a fucking costume!

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