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Friday, 4 July 2008

Climate Strange

Always lots on t'internet about this eh? well here's my two-bob'orth. It's all bollocks. Now hold your horses, sweet anarchist, calm down, breath in some of that carbon dioxide heavy air and listen to how I have come up with said aforementioned assesment.

1. Climate change due to carbon dioxide realease may well be happening (or "real" as you youngers say). Indeed releasing loads of unnatural gas into an atmodsphere about as thinck as a layer of varnish probably ain't too sensible. But here's the doozy, it don't really matter. Why? I'll tell you why, it's because of:

2. The Earth is too fucking cold anyway. Yes you heard me, the Earth is too fucking cold. Far too fucking cold, freezing if truth be told. This is because we have one southern facing continent covering an entire 'cap' (a cap being one of the ends of the Earth that recieves less sunlight than the rest, making it naturally colder). This covering (we call it "antarctica" cute, non?) means successive layers of frost, or "permafrost" can build up on it. The same can be said for the "Arctic" which as it happens happens to be a sea surrounded by land, this has a similar effect of our ol' buddy Antarctica (or Ant as we can from now on forever call him) in stopping the correct flowing of waters around said cap (the north one, keep up you at the back) which would, under normal circumstances keep things nice and not frozen. However this all leads to:

3. What, the fuck, has any of this to do with me? Aha! well you see, the above circumstance isn't "usual", "Not usual?" I hear you ask "but it's been like this for, for, well for as long as anyone can remember!" and here you'll be guilty of forgetting what we always forget, that this ol' Earth's been around a lot longer than us, just ask your local ant colony, they'll tell ya, and they don't appreciate this Ice-Epoch shit any more than we do (they were around when this planet was a hell of a lot hotter than it is today and it didn't do them any harm). And when I say "we're in the middle of an Ice-Epoch" I don't wanna hear "but it's 48 degerees in Manilla what are you on about?" I mean we're in the middle of a warm spellin the middle of an ice-epoch as in ice epoch lasts say 1 million years, ice-age lasts 100,000 years with the odd inter-glacial lasting, say 10,000 years (just long enough to build a civilisation you may have noticed) then, guess what it's back to the ice-age, another 100,000 years of freezing our tits off.

So the next time someone tells (or yells at) you: "We're melting the permafrost! what about the polar bears?" I welcome you to reply "What about the fucking polar bears? It's us or them, sweetheart!" That is, of course, if you like discussing world issues with the bar-maids at your local, like I do. I have been thinking of changing pubs actually, I mean what kind of bar-staff actually says "permafrost" anyway?

And, chi-i-i-ll Winston, leave the pc you're reading this on switched on forever, get back behind the wheel of that gas-guzzler, take off to places (not-so) far away, wash your clothes in water so hot it would make beelzebub himself worry about blistering 'is little fingers and while you're doing it, think of your grandkids. They need a future too.

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