lovely words

on how to rescue darwin...

merry xmas

some religion for ya'll...

me old dear

my very sainted mother (not so) recently went into hospital as she was one of the many people coming down wiv cancer (there's a jade goody joke in there somewhere, but i've yet to get a laugh from it yet, so i'll leave it for now)

she was recovering from one of the many procedures she suffered in a valiant (and, thankfully, successful) attempt to escape the clutches of the horseman we all like least, when she was visited by a well-meaning christian friend (many of my mother's friends are of that persuasion, i've tried telling her, i really have..) who, whilst discussing (for some bizarre reason) the finer theological implications of my mother's suffering, said:
"we don't know why god had this in his plan for you?"
to which my mother (quite innocently) replied:
"somebody thought this was a good idea?"

kinda sums up my entire argument against any kind of theism/deism/paganism really...

OMFG!

Many bites to be had here for the fundie-fishers amongst us. Classic stuff: angels come to help us, ghosts, demons the works! For ink stains:

"My Mother-in-law,when a young girl lived with her Mother and sister in a remote home way out in the country... One night with a raging snow storm they heard a knock and at the door there was a man asking if he can have something to drink as he has been walking for quite a while on his journey... They let him in gave him some food and drink and dryed his wet clothes at the fire..The man thanked them and left... they went out the door and looked all over for footsteps in the snow but none to be found... I always remembered that story...Now my MIL always told that the stranger was a Angel sent from God... I always believed her."
So God sent an angel because...there are no tumble dryers in heaven?
and:
"I believe that we are under constant demonic attacks daily. Some natural some supernatural."
+
"Yes, your worst enemies will be they of your own household.
Satan can use them the most because they are closest to your heart and also the ones you know best.
You can let him do that without being too concerned about it if you learn to use those types of attacks to better yourself."
=
SOME CRAZY FAMILY DINNERS!

Just remember kids, you can either think about something or believe in it, not both!

what to do

here is a quote from the comments section of a Catholics blog, it was about PZ Myers and his Catholic-baiting eucharist-bashing bit of fun. If you want to know what it's about follow the links that's what they're for. This Catholic blog has quite a few comments about this (as you would imagine) anyway the pick of the bunch goes a little something like:

"O Sacred Heart of Jesus, animated with a desire to repair the outrages unceasingly offered to Thee, we prostrate before thy throne of mercy,and in the name of all mankind, pledge our love and fidelity to Thee.

The more Thy mysteries are blasphemed, the more firmly we shall believe them, O sacred Heart of Jesus!

The more impiety endeavors to extinguish our hope of immortality the more we shall trust in Thy heart, sole Hope of mankind!"

it goes on like this for some time, however two points have already made themselves clear. 1. who the fuck does this dippy piece of shit think she is talking on behalf of me? "and in the name of all mankind" and 2. they is basically saying no matter how much a pile of shite christianity (and all religion) is. they will believe all the more. eh? WTF? 

so, my solution, if we have a group of people absolutely convinced of their immortality (so convinced , in fact, that no amount of proof will dissuade them) let them meet their God! why not? they love him so much and as long as they don't do it themselves they is fine! no harm, no foul.  so, it's quite simple really. just take all religious people and strangle them (no need to waste bullets or owt) then feed them to my (or your) dogs. 

problem solved! (sorts out the ol' population crises as well I hope you notice!)

FSTDT

Fundies Say the Darndest Things is the place on t'internet I go when I'm bored at work or just bored or at...er, work. It really is hilarious, some of the most fun you can have with a computer (if you don't count buying pharms & porn which you kinda have to, at work). it really is fucking hilarious.


from the funny: "God healed me!!!!! I was left with moderate hearing loss."


to the disturbing: "[in answer to a little girl asking why babies die] Babies and children die because they are sinners and God is a just God"


to the real deal: "There was once a dig in siberia where they drilled to a new record depth and broke into a hollow chamber only to hear the screams of those from hell. If you haven't heard of this I know why. Atheists control the media and they suppress this sore of thing. They do the same to ghost sightings"


that sample is, like seriously, just what was on the at this moment, it updates at a rate of knots. there are a lot of very, very scary people out there and lots of them are posting. This is one of the few sites at least attempting to make us aware of the danger we are all in. I mean seriously, you guys, these dudes are fruity! and not in a good way. we are talking about very bad fruit indeed.


Meanwhile I am listening to "In Rainbows" by Radiohead (who I happen to like because I always used to smoke cooked cocaine to "Just" one of my favourite songs of all time and not just because of the rock). "Robyn" by, er, Robyn (don't you just love it when they do that?) and The New York Dolls: "From Here To Eternity".


As usual I have absolutely no idea of comparison, apart from to say I have enjoyed them all, quite a bit, quite a bit indeed...

You can call me Rev.

Title kinda gives it away but... guess what? No go on, guess.

Give up? OK, I've just become an ordained minister! That's right folks the UK chapter of the First Church of Atheism is now officially open! hip hop hooray!

I will, of course, be available for weddings, funerals, confirmation ceremonies and the like. All will have an atheist tone (being the point).

And just how has a layabout, druggie, wastrel such as myself become a fully ordained minister? I hear you ask. Well apparently the story goes that a couple, sick of the way the 'non-denominational preacher assigned to them for their wedding (they were atheist) still expected them to want various references to the big guy upstairs in their ceremony (non-denominational generally means unaffiliated christian). So they started their very own church, of atheism (and yes, apparently, you can have an atheist church).

Now (this being the 21st century) anyone can become ordained into the church, start their own congregation (if they so wish), preach away merrily and (and this is the clincher) perform marriages, funerals, visit people about to be executed etc. The best bit is, it's free! (not sure I should be telling you that bit, ain't gonna help my monopoly, but hey-ho).

So, there you have it, I'm sure you'll all agree this is a big step forward for us free-thinking logic-based scientifically-minded double-barrelled types. and the best bit? I'm now to be properly addressed as Reverend!!!

Diagnosis: Churcher

Found this on summink called the O Project "People don't need to fear eternal torture in hell in order to be moral" by one Reverend Chris Schriner of the Mission Peak Unitarian Universalist Congregation (try saying that with a few insida ya) in said Humanist site's "we lurve each other really" quotes page, a long list of quotes from vicars all saying "we don't hate atheists" to which the rather obvious answer is "why are you so keen to see us in the aforementioned fiery pit?". A rather obvious retort to Rev Chris' little gem would have to be "what the hell is hell for then?". Here's another: "It is not to say there are no ethical standards outside faith" that little beaut is from Tim Stevens, Bishop of Leicester no less.



Dear oh dear, I think you are witnessing with you very own eyes why Christendom is such a sorry shadow of its former self, People don't need to fear eternal torture in hell? they do if you want them to be Christians mate! It's kinda the point! Without the threat of eternal damnation you've got what? not much sex and no lie in on Sunday. why? coz God 'loves' you. Your having summink of a laugh if you think your gonna pull that one of in this day and age.



You see, this is rather obviously where the church is going wrong. The Imam's have got the right idea, no backpedalling for them, oh no, no thin end of the modernist wedge for they. You put a foot wrong and not only do you spend the next forever getting roasted (oo-er) but they'll even stone you into a head-start to get there!

Talking G*d

I is a atheist. Not agnostic, not "I'm not really religious but I believe that there must be some sort of higher power", not I've seen a ghost, no really", atheist, a-the-ist. Don't even believe in believing in things or nuttin. Trouble I have though, is trying to get my head around the idea of why anyone, in this day and age, does. I mean come on. Have you read their so-called holy books? I mean come on. are you having a laugh? Like the old Torah/Old Testament. There are so many ridiculous, and I mean ridiculous, holes in the story of Noah that it feels impolite just to mention it.

With the coming of the 'new' testament things start getting ridiculous, where our so-called immortal, timeless God suddenly has a complete change of heart going from "an eye for an eye" to "turn the other cheek" eh? I mean you would think God would know what it is that he wants. It is as if God was created by the men writing about him rather than the other way around. Why, also, so (very) much focus on Jesus' parentage? The book if St. Matthew starts, straight off, into a mini-genealogy of the man Jesus, son of David (who was the) son of Abraham. In fact he goes to all of the trouble of listing every single descendant of Abraham until Jesus, just to prove that he is one of his progeny. Funny thing is he then tells us, in practically the next breath, that "before they came together, she was found with child of the holy ghost" (yeah riiiight) so he's not Joseph's son then? eh? And who marries someone without, you know, fulfilling their obligations? As an extra twist, without consummation, a marriage isn't, technically, valid anyway, so JESUS WAS A BASTARD!

The Qur'an, for inkstands, has at the start of the different books (I think that's is where they are) certain words that are, and get this, "one of the miracles of the Qur'an and none but Allah (Alone) knows their meanings" I mean, please, that hokey shit might have worked in the seventh century (and what kinda miracle is this anyway?). But today? He's making it up! for crying out loud. It is positively daft. Not to mention all the hokum about angels not entering your house if there's a dog in it and things called "jinns" losing your socks.

I can easily understand why people believed in this in the past. Life was hard, or so I've heard, and people didn't have the technological delights we live with today so consequently knew much less about the world around them. The information contained within your average children's library would have blown their minds, the night sky looked pretty bloody amazing before the advent of street lighting and it was always fairly easy to believe the Earth was flat until the advent of Google Earth.

These factors, when taken together, leave us to have sympathy for the religious sensitives of our forebears. But what is those of today's excuse? How can you really combine the knowledge of we all have of Evolution and Australia with the stories of Genesis and Noah and still end up with a coherent belief structure? How can they honestly believe this nonsense?

But, just so you don't all (2 of ya) think I'm some kinda pedantic atheist I would like to take this opportunity to put forward a rather more solidly-based critique of the religious impulse (the monotheistic abrahametic one anyway). See, I reckon that these religions are immoral in (and of) themselves. They basically ask credence for a somewhat tenuous notion of reality and then threaten eternal torture if you so much as raise a doubt . Just what kind of a loving god does that? and, more importantly, just how can said gods followers presume to have so much as a whiff of any moral high ground?

However, lest we should turn the sort of rabid, condemnatory death-lover some of feel that religion turns us into we would do wll to remember that religion is, like halitosis or genital warts, a disease. Religion can quite (i think quite fairly) be discribed as a "self replicating mind virus" (special thanks to rational responders for that one) and so it is only fair that instead of hatred or anger we look upon thise afflicted with something more approaching pity...

...at least until they find a cure that is.